.hack//GU//Outakes! (Warning: Potential Spoilers.)

Vahn Staffear · Post by **Vahn Staffear** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 10:50 pm

haseoxth wrote:
Vahn Staffear wrote:From gamefaqs forum

credit from DragonUser84

*When looking for AIDA with Pi, Haseo encounters a chest...*
*Haseo, like he normally does, kicks it...*
Haseo: *Chest doesn't open, and Haseo stands on one leg and holds his foot.* (O_O) ******* OW!!!
Pi: Noob...
*Haseo then pulls out his twin blades and unleashes a full combo on the chest, which does nothing...*
Pi: You're not really good at this, are you?
Haseo: ARGH!!! DAMN CHEST!!! C'mon Skeith... C'mon... SSSSSSKEEEEEEEEEEIIIIITH!!!
*Haseo goes into Avatar form, pulls out his scythe, and rushes towards the chest and slashes at the last second...*
*SLASH!!!*
................ SHATTER!!!
*Haseo, in Avatar form, looks at his now-broken scythe and tosses it behind him.
Pi: You really suck at this, don't you?
*Haseo, now quite enraged, charges up Data Drain and fires it at the chest...*
*Which then ricochets back at Skeith...*
Haseo: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
Pi: You know, I'm embarassed to be in the same AREA as you.
Haseo: *Who changes back into normal from.* Oh yeah, well I'd like to see YOU try it!
*Pi kicks the chest, which then turns towards her and reveals that it's a trapped chest.*
Haseo: *With his eyes closed.* Ha! Now whatcha gonna do?
*Pi, who had already kicked the chest again to aim the arrows at Haseo, simply watches them fly into him.
Haseo: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!
Pi: Oh, look Haseo! It's a Health Potion!
Haseo: What kind of sadistic ******* put that there?!
*Ovan, who was watching the whole thing, sneaks off while giggling like some kind of schoolgirl...*
he has many trapped chest like that in his container...and a monkey and some sandwhiches....

what could he do with a monkey

From gamefaqs forum

credit from DragonUser84

*After the scene where Haseo has just Data-Drained Tarvos and is holding Pi.*

Haseo: Pi! C'mon... Wake up! WAKE UP! *Looks down.* Hmmm...
*Grope, grope, fondle, grope...*
*Pi's eyes suddenly snap open.*
Haseo: Pi! You're-*KA-POW!!!* Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! *CRASH!!! Ouch, right into a wall...*
Pi: Haseo, you perv! I would've expected something like that from Kuhn, but YOU?! I thought you were too hung up on Shino to do something that perverted!
Haseo: Owwww... *Falls to the floor, leaving a Haseo-shaped hole in the wall.*

haseoxth · Post by **haseoxth** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 10:55 pm

teach the monkey to make sandwhichs....

Vahn Staffear · Post by **Vahn Staffear** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:08 pm

Monkeys rule.

haseoxth · Post by **haseoxth** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:12 pm

Yup....
Ovan:*takes a sandwhich out of the container and takes a bite*WHAT?!?!?THIS IS SWISS!!!!*opens the container and takes out a whip,and starts whipping the monkey*I ASKED FOR SWISS!!!THIS IS AMERICAN CHEESE!!!!
monkey:...you know what...F*** THIS!!!!CUBIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
*the monkey data drains ovan and thats the end of it...haseo is disappoin t and goes to Ovans funeral and shoots him in the head*
HAseo:TAKE THAT ****!!!!!

(maybe i am a parrot with anger issues....)

Vahn Staffear · Post by **Vahn Staffear** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:24 pm

haseoxth wrote:Yup....
Ovan:*takes a sandwhich out of the container and takes a bite*WHAT?!?!?THIS IS SWISS!!!!*opens the container and takes out a whip,and starts whipping the monkey*I ASKED FOR SWISS!!!THIS IS AMERICAN CHEESE!!!!
monkey:...you know what...F*** THIS!!!!CUBIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
*the monkey data drains ovan and thats the end of it...haseo is disappoin t and goes to Ovans funeral and shoots him in the head*
HAseo:TAKE THAT ****!!!!!

(maybe i am a parrot with anger issues....)

*by useing his avatar Ovan is reborn a a vagrant AI*
Ovan:You look strong enough now, Haseo lets go kill Cubia and save Shino.
Haseo:Oh Now you wanna go save Shino

haseoxth · Post by **haseoxth** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:30 pm

Vahn Staffear wrote:
haseoxth wrote:Yup....
Ovan:*takes a sandwhich out of the container and takes a bite*WHAT?!?!?THIS IS SWISS!!!!*opens the container and takes out a whip,and starts whipping the monkey*I ASKED FOR SWISS!!!THIS IS AMERICAN CHEESE!!!!
monkey:...you know what...F*** THIS!!!!CUBIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
*the monkey data drains ovan and thats the end of it...haseo is disappoin t and goes to Ovans funeral and shoots him in the head*
HAseo:TAKE THAT ****!!!!!

(maybe i am a parrot with anger issues....)
*by useing his avatar Ovan is reborn a a vagrant AI*
Ovan:You look strong enough now, Haseo lets go kill Cubia and save Shino.
Haseo:Oh Now you wanna go save Shino

continuing

Ovan:yes...i want to save shino...because i want my revenge on that damn monkey!!!

Haseo:O_O...mon...key...
Ovan:yes...i had a monkey forcefully make sandwhiches for me...didnt think he was cubia....
Haseo:Cubias...a..monkey?
Ovan:is there a problem with that?
Haseo:yes there is....
Ovan:WHat?
Haseo:I..Love..MONKEYS!!THEYRE JUST SO ADORABLE!!!!I CAN HARM ONE!!!!>.<
Ovan:O_O...oh...shi#

Vahn Staffear · Post by **Vahn Staffear** » Thu Jan 04, 2007 11:40 pm

haseoxth wrote:
Vahn Staffear wrote:
haseoxth wrote:Yup....
Ovan:*takes a sandwhich out of the container and takes a bite*WHAT?!?!?THIS IS SWISS!!!!*opens the container and takes out a whip,and starts whipping the monkey*I ASKED FOR SWISS!!!THIS IS AMERICAN CHEESE!!!!
monkey:...you know what...F*** THIS!!!!CUBIAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
*the monkey data drains ovan and thats the end of it...haseo is disappoin t and goes to Ovans funeral and shoots him in the head*
HAseo:TAKE THAT ****!!!!!

(maybe i am a parrot with anger issues....)
*by useing his avatar Ovan is reborn a a vagrant AI*
Ovan:You look strong enough now, Haseo lets go kill Cubia and save Shino.
Haseo:Oh Now you wanna go save Shino
continuing

Ovan:yes...i want to save shino...because i want my revenge on that damn monkey!!!
Haseo:O_O...mon...key...
Ovan:yes...i had a monkey forcefully make sandwhiches for me...didnt think he was cubia....
Haseo:Cubias...a..monkey?
Ovan:is there a problem with that?
Haseo:yes there is....
Ovan:WHat?
Haseo:I..Love..MONKEYS!!THEYRE JUST SO ADORABLE!!!!I CAN HARM ONE!!!!>.<
Ovan:O_O...oh...shi#

*Kuhn appears*
Kuhn:Haseo your risking your love life over a money what the Fu** is wrong with you?
Haseo: MONKEYS!!!

Kuhn: No good I need to data drain the stupidy out of him.

haseoxth · Post by **haseoxth** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:04 am

an avatar battle insues...

Haseo:FOR THE LOVE OF MONKEYS....SKEEEIITTTHHH!!!!!
*monkey skeith appears...*
Kuhn:O_O....WTF??!?!?MAGUS!!!!
*magus appears...Monkey Skeith starts beating on his chest*
Magus:O_O...FU%& THIS!!!!!
*magus leaves...*
Kuhn:*let in avatar space....*uh-oh....
*Monkey Skeith data drains Kuhn*
haseo:take that you monkey hater...Huh...wheres ovan.
*ovan ran to the fatherest server away from Monkey SKeith ad the new freaky monkey ing love Haseo*
Ovan:I dont wanna know what he does with the monkeys in his spare time....

Vahn Staffear · Post by **Vahn Staffear** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:16 am

Haseo: time to break the 4th wall. Man I can wait untill Helba and her crew hook me up with the Xth form Skeith is gonna turn into a gorilla!

*While Haseo wasn't looking AIDA appears*

haseoxth · Post by **haseoxth** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:47 am

*haseo is pimp slaped by AIDA and Ovan appears with his thrid arm...somehow....*
Haseo:Ovan..why...?
Ovan:Because Haseo..it was the only way...
Haseo:but...why?
Ovan:because..i too love monkeys...but i think your obbsession went to far...look at skeith*Monkey skeithcomes outta nowhere....*he looks like he needs some tranqs to keep him calm...and look at kuhn...*kuhn pops up*
Kuhn:Obey...the..monkeys...love the monkeys....
Ovan:all this isnt right...and there is one more reason...
Haseo:w-what..?
Ovan:*sound affects for vader come in*haseo....*deep breath*i...am your father...*another deep breath*
Haseo:I KNEW IT!!!!it explains so much...why you arent home...and why you have wallet size pictures of me...and the fact that you look at the seen you planted...I AM YOUR SEED!!!!
Ovan:huh?what?noo....i was watching Star Wars on you tube...and i said you name...then vader said the line...sorry...
haseo:O_O..*AIDA completely takes over him...*
to be continued...

Multi-edge · Post by **Multi-edge** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:56 am

[quote="haseoxth"]*haseo is pimp slaped by AIDA and Ovan appears with his thrid arm...somehow....*
Haseo:Ovan..why...?
Ovan:Because Haseo..it was the only way...
Haseo:but...why?
Ovan:because..i too love monkeys...but i think your obbsession went to far...look at skeith*Monkey skeithcomes outta nowhere....*he looks like he needs some tranqs to keep him calm...and look at kuhn...*kuhn pops up*
Kuhn:Obey...the..monkeys...love the monkeys....
Ovan:all this isnt right...and there is one more reason...
Haseo:w-what..?
Ovan:*sound affects for vader come in*haseo....*deep breath*i...am your father...*another deep breath*
Haseo:I KNEW IT!!!!it explains so much...why you arent home...and why you have wallet size pictures of me...and the fact that you look at the seen you planted...I AM YOUR SEED!!!!
Ovan:huh?what?noo....i was watching Star Wars on you tube...and i said you name...then vader said the line...sorry...
haseo:O_O..*AIDA completely takes over him...*
to be continued...[/quote]

This is great. When is it going to conclude?

haseoxth · Post by **haseoxth** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:58 am

probaly when i wake up tomorrow....its almost two am over here...

Kouen · Post by **Kouen** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 3:12 am

Roots Outtake
-Haseo is seen crazily stabbing the altar in the Hulle Granz Cathedral-
Haseo: AAAAHHHGG!!! WHY SHINO WHY!!! AHHHHHGGGG!!!! -stabs altar-
-the usual .hack ping is heard-
Altar: I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU FLAMING WEIRDO!!
Haseo: SCREW YOU!!! SSSKKKKKKEEEEEEEIIIITTTTTHHHH!!!!!!!
-camera zooms out as the altar beats Haseo to the floor-
Skeith:zzzzZZZZzzzz... wha.. wha? -grumble- What now?
-Skeith opens a panel displaying a grayed out Haseo-
Skeith: -snicker- This is what he gets for being too noob to awaken me.. Well time to practice for my first appearance.
-Skeith clears throat, or whatever he has in that area-
Skeith: I HAVE FOUND YOU!!! hmm... not good I... have... found.. you.. you... you...
etc.

haseoxth · Post by **haseoxth** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 1:14 pm

Ok..time to continue...

*last time we saw haseo and co.ovan was a AI,haseo was being infeceted with AIDA,Kuhn was DD by haseo and goes around praising monkeys..*

somewhere far away,the CUbia monkey thing is sitting watching all this go on...
Monkey:yes...all goes as planned....Haseo going down...Ovan and his AIDA problem...so all major threats will be gone...
*The TSN sense major AIDA porblems in the system...*
Kite:MMOOOAAANNN*ok,whose going this time,cuz i went last time...*
Orca:Grunt*not me,im catching up on my despreate housewives...its getting good..Brees just had a orgasm for the first time,and DOESNT KNOW IT!!!*
Balmung:MOOOAAAANNN*ok...rock paper scissors(that how you spell it?)*
The TSN play rock paper scissors....orcas throws rock,Balmung paper,and kite "empty fangs of the void"
Kite:MOOAAANNN!!!!*THIS BEATS ALL!!!I AINT GOIN' NOWHERE!!!!*
Balmung:MOAAN*you know what,just for cheating,your going...*
Kite:moan*shi%*

so kite goes to fight off the AIDA problem...which is Ovan...

Multi-edge · Post by **Multi-edge** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 1:26 pm

[quote="haseoxth"]Ok..time to continue...

*last time we saw haseo and co.ovan was a AI,haseo was being infeceted with AIDA,Kuhn was DD by haseo and goes around praising monkeys..*

somewhere far away,the CUbia monkey thing is sitting watching all this go on...
Monkey:yes...all goes as planned....Haseo going down...Ovan and his AIDA problem...so all major threats will be gone...
*The TSN sense major AIDA porblems in the system...*
Kite:MMOOOAAANNN*ok,whose going this time,cuz i went last time...*
Orca:Grunt*not me,im catching up on my despreate housewives...its getting good..Brees just had a orgasm for the first time,and DOESNT KNOW IT!!!*
Balmung:MOOOAAAANNN*ok...rock paper scissors(that how you spell it?)*
The TSN play rock paper scissors....orcas throws rock,Balmung paper,and kite "empty fangs of the void"
Kite:MOOAAANNN!!!!*THIS BEATS ALL!!!I AINT GOIN' NOWHERE!!!!*
Balmung:MOAAN*you know what,just for cheating,your going...*
Kite:moan*shi%*

so kite goes to fight off the AIDA problem...which is Ovan...[/quote]

All right. You should make an official thread for this.

haseoxth · Post by **haseoxth** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 1:27 pm

it would be GU fun time in volume one...but sadly,it was locked...K-su is gonna be really sad when he comes back....

Vahn Staffear · Post by **Vahn Staffear** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 1:28 pm

Yeah we should.

Azure crow · Post by **Azure crow** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 1:29 pm

Last battle of vol 1:

Haseo:I won't let you,you won't get away again!!!!*draws weapons*
Give us back*starts charging* all of the lost ones!!!!!!!!

Azure Kite:aw crap,i knew this would happen!!!

Azure crow · Post by **Azure crow** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 1:32 pm

this is what you all know:
At the end of vol 1,atoli is hit by AIDA,haseo yells her name,and screen cracks.
this is what you didn't know:
What haseo was saying was,before he got rudly interupted by credits:
ATTOLLLLIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!YOU STILL OWN ME FOR THAT STAFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GET UUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!
DOOOO IITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!

*pulls out flaming shovel*I swear if you don't get up I'll do it!!!
*screen cracks again,then shatters.

haseoxth · Post by **haseoxth** » Fri Jan 05, 2007 1:33 pm

completely off my original story..

After the battle with kite in volume one...

*AFK is cumbling...*
Haseo:NO!!!WAIT!!!TELL US HOW TO BRING BACK THE LOST ONES!!!!
AFK:MOOOOOAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!!
Haseo:ummm....transaltion?
Pai:He said"sorry,i cant help you with that one cuz i dont know where they are...i was playing house with them and they ran away...bye bye.."
Kuhn:how'd you know he said all that?
Pai:i have to speak the langauge of my customers...
Haseo and Kuhn:O_O