dothackers.net

Okay, I've beaten the game, and if I want to get my Guild rank up to 3, I gotta finish some Ryu books. (I hate them JUST as much in this version, except you actually get to unlock something USEFUL...)

For those that remember the first four games, we couldn't make too many outakes because Kite was just TOO FREAKIN' NICE! On the other hand, Haseo is an ass, and it's ALWAYS funny when an ass does something stupid and it bites him in the... well, ass. Plus, everyone seems to have a lot more attitude, and there are people who won't HESITATE to hand out butt-kickings to those that deserve it. (Pi easily comes to mind...)
Now, try to keep these as spoiler-free as possible for the sake of those that haven't finished the game yet. If you must make one that is based on an end-of-game event, PLEASE warn others. Also, try to refrain from including stuff from the other games besides .hack.

Now that THAT crap is out of the way, make with da funny!



(Haseo is riding around Mac Anu on the Steam Bike, when he sees Death Grunty wandering around.)
Haseo: That little twerp! He's street pizza now!
(Haseo guns the bike at full throttle towards Death Grunty and is almost upon him when the Grunty jumps into the air, punches Haseo in the face, gives him an uppercut that pulls him off the bike, then punches him again, slamming him into the ground. Death Grunty then lands on the bike, pulls out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on.)
Death Grunty: Loser! *Oink!* I'll give this back when you stop trying to run people over, if I feel like it! *Oink!* (Death Grunty drives off, while Haseo lies on the street, stunned.)
Haseo: ........... What the hell just happened?!

Haseo:Shut up Atoli! I don't need your friggin healing to keep me alive.
(Haseo gets in a match with people who are 10 levels above him, for the championship.)
Haseo:$hit

haseo:endrance....you will PAY!!!.....to see me dance....

(Haseo is riding around Mac Anu when he sees... PIROS!)
Haseo: *With a crazed look in his eyes.* I'll kill him by crashing into him! Vengance shall be mine!
*Haseo crashes into Piros's backside, which not only messes up the Steam Bike, but sends Haseo flying as well.*
Haseo: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! *His flight is stopped cold by a building. Ouch...*
Piros: *Oblivious as always.* What was that? *Turns around.* What's this? A Steam Bike! It looks terrible, but it should still run.
Haseo: Augh... *Falls off the wall he was embedded in and lands on the street with some kind of splat.* Ow...
Piros: Ah! Friend Haseo! I found a Steam Bike for you! Just make sure you wear a helmet when you ride it, or else you'll take a bad tumble like it's last owner!
Haseo: *Mumbles something.*... you...
Piros: Don't worry! No thanks are needed! See you later! *Walks off.*
Ovan: *Walks out from behind a corner.* You know, you could get your account banned for using that kind of language.
*Haseo, using both hands, flips off Ovan.*
Ovan: By the way, here's a broadsword I found for you... *Pulls out a big-ass broadsword and drops it on top of Haseo.*
Haseo: (O_O) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

the unexpected addition to canard....

Gabi:I,GABI,WOULD LIKE TO JOIN YOUR GUILD!!!!
HAseo:i quit

haseoxth wrote:the unexpected addition to canard....

Gabi:I,GABI,WOULD LIKE TO JOIN YOUR GUILD!!!!
HAseo:i quit

I can just imagen that happening too.

----Haseo warps in Arche Koeln Falls, where Ovan is waiting.
Haseo: Ovan! Where have you been?
Ovan: I wanted to see what the seed would grow into, so I planted it.
Haseo: ...you sold your livestock for magic beans again, didn't you?
Ovan: Shut up.
Haseo: Do you have any idea what's happened while you were gone?! Shino's in a coma, and everyone else left, and I have no idea how to find Tri-edge.
Ovan: Dude, he's at the cathedral.
Haseo: ...what?
Ovan: Yeah, you know, criminals always return to the scene of the crime and such.
Haseo: ..well ****, what are we waiting here for? Let's go get him!
Ovan: You go on ahead, I'll catch up later.
Haseo: Why the **** can't you come with me now?
----Ovan takes a few steps foward, dragging his arm behind him slowly.
Ovan: I knew using this character design was a mistake. This arm is too ****ing heavy. I can't move.
Haseo: ...dammit.
----Haseo leaves the field and heads to the cathedral. Inside, he walks up to the empty altar.
Haseo: Dumbass Ovan...there's nothign here.
----A sound echoes through the cathedral.
Haseo: Was that the doorbell?
----Haseo walks away from his computer and goes to the door, finding no one. He comes back to his computer to find his character getting worked over by Tri-edge.
Haseo: ****!
----Haseo tries to recover the fight, but Tri-edge unleashes his data-drain. Haseo's computer is forced to reformat all the data. Haseo stares at his empty menues.
Haseo: ...my stuff is gone...my emails...my friends' addresses...oh no...
----Haseo checks a very imnportant folder.
Haseo: NOOOOOOOOOOO! My porn! It's all gone! Tri-edge, you mother ****ing bastard! I'll get you force this! You *******! I will never forgive you!

[quote="haseoxth"]the unexpected addition to canard....

Gabi:I,GABI,WOULD LIKE TO JOIN YOUR GUILD!!!!
HAseo:i quit[/quote]

LOL. Awsome

How Haseo and Kite make up

haseo:sorry for thinking you killed shino...
Kite:Moooooooaaannnnnnnnn
Haseo:sorry for attacking and all that to...
Kite:mooooooooooaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn
Haseo:sorry for yelling at you too...and making making you crumble...
Kite:moooooooooaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnn
Haseo:think we can put this past us?i have a gift for you*pulls out kites arm*ovan gave it to me..i thought you might like to have it back.
Kite:moooooooooooaaaaaaaannnnnnn*takes the arm*mooooooooaaaaaaannnnnnnn.
HAseo:what?more tea?sure...*poors tea into the cup*

Atoli: I hate you haseo! All this time you weren't looking at me, but you were looking at this Shino *****! If you're not even looking at me, everything I've done are meaningless!
*runs off*
Haseo: wait! atoli! **** it Ovan this is all your fault!
Ovan: well then, may I give you an advice?
Haseo: what?
Ovan: give her surprise buttsecks. that will cheer her up. *Ovan logs off*
Haseo: ...

Vahn Staffear wrote:Atoli: I hate you haseo! All this time you weren't looking at me, but you were looking at this Shino *****! If you're not even looking at me, everything I've done are meaningless!
*runs off*
Haseo: wait! atoli! **** it Ovan this is all your fault!
Ovan: well then, may I give you an advice?
Haseo: what?
Ovan: give her surprise buttsecks. that will cheer her up. *Ovan logs off*
Haseo: ...

OMG NAKED ASIAN BUTTSECKS!!!!(joke me and some friends have...)

haseoxth wrote:

Vahn Staffear wrote:Atoli: I hate you haseo! All this time you weren't looking at me, but you were looking at this Shino *****! If you're not even looking at me, everything I've done are meaningless!
*runs off*
Haseo: wait! atoli! **** it Ovan this is all your fault!
Ovan: well then, may I give you an advice?
Haseo: what?
Ovan: give her surprise buttsecks. that will cheer her up. *Ovan logs off*
Haseo: ...

OMG NAKED ASIAN BUTTSECKS!!!!(joke me and some friends have...)

I had a funny garfield suprise butsecks thing.

Vahn you do realize everything you've posted is from Gamefaqs forum. Unless you came up with them yourself there I don't know.

Damn you..how did you figure that out.
I was to lazy to type up something else.
If you didn't know my user name is quakecrap.

Now on with the funny.

Jimbob wrote:Vahn you do realize everything you've posted is from Gamefaqs forum. Unless you came up with them yourself there I don't know.

It's one somewher ein there I only made one though it was about the time Kuhn and Haseo when to see Gabi.

Heres one of mine ane located on page 20

Refence to Aqua teen hunger force
(Inside Ravens@home)
Pi:Haseo AIDA can appear anywere in the game world.
Kuhn:Yeah they can come here at any moment.
Haseo:so that means...
All three:Oh crap!
*Thousands of AIDA's appear in front of Haseo and the gang*
AIDA:...We...have..come...for...our...missing...brothers...they...were...data ...drained
Haseo:Woah right next door people right next door.
*Haseo paints to the serpent of lore*
AIDA:..sorry...
*AIDA appear before Yata in the serpent of lore while Yata in reviewing over the latest AIDA data collected *
Yata:You have got to be friggen kidding me.
AIDA:What are you looking at on the screne
Yata:This is your umm....Great great great...Great..
*AIDA surround him*
Yata:Yo Mama
*AIDA PK him*

I know AIDA can't talk,it was for the sake of the joke or can they? The world may never know o.o'

Well considering .hack//4Koma is VERY funny and full of these, I'll quote two of them. Buy the magazines if you want the rest...

After Vol 2 Final Boss

Ovan:"Haseo, become stronger, for the sake of defeating me..."
*black screen cracks*
Ovan:"ARGHH My Glasses! I can't see!!! I feel some evil presence!"
Kite: "Guess it's not here..."

So basically, a pun on the screen always cracking at the end...

and one more about Infection

Delta Bursting Passed Over Aqua Field

*Kite and Orca walking through the dungeon*
*Aura flies by*
Orca:"Hey, did you see that Kite? That girl looked at me!"
Kite: "No. She looked at me!!"
Orca:"C'mon she was clearly looking at me!!"
Kite: "Whatever!"
Orca:"Oh yeah, wanna go find out?"
Kite: "You bet!"

*Loads of time later, Kite says to BlackRose*
Kite:"*SIGH* If only I had lied and said 'she looked at you', he probably wouldn't have wound up in a coma."

P.S. It's not word for word of course but still shows the same perspective.

that was awsome and funny

Anteres:The wine tastes great tonight. Do you want some more.
Haseo:Are you drinking in real life? Who are you talking too?
Anteres:Yeah. And I'm talking to your mom. Say hi.
Haseo's mom:Hi honey. I'll be home late.
(Haseo faints in real life)

*after the avatar battle with Pi*
Haseo: *Haseo holding pi* Pi wake up, Pi!!!!!
Haseo's mom:I told you alread there is no more Pie
Haseo: Shut up mom I'm playing the game -__-

*after fighting Tarvos*
Haseo:Wake UP!!!WAKE UP!!!PAI!!!PAI!!!
Pai:Thats the first time you said my name...
Haseo:No...im telling the kitty to lay off of my chicken pot PIE...your still an old hag....

From gamefaqs forum

credit from DragonUser84


*When looking for AIDA with Pi, Haseo encounters a chest...*
*Haseo, like he normally does, kicks it...*
Haseo: *Chest doesn't open, and Haseo stands on one leg and holds his foot.* (O_O) ******* OW!!!
Pi: Noob...
*Haseo then pulls out his twin blades and unleashes a full combo on the chest, which does nothing...*
Pi: You're not really good at this, are you?
Haseo: ARGH!!! DAMN CHEST!!! C'mon Skeith... C'mon... SSSSSSKEEEEEEEEEEIIIIITH!!!
*Haseo goes into Avatar form, pulls out his scythe, and rushes towards the chest and slashes at the last second...*
*SLASH!!!*
................ SHATTER!!!
*Haseo, in Avatar form, looks at his now-broken scythe and tosses it behind him.
Pi: You really suck at this, don't you?
*Haseo, now quite enraged, charges up Data Drain and fires it at the chest...*
*Which then ricochets back at Skeith...*
Haseo: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
Pi: You know, I'm embarassed to be in the same AREA as you.
Haseo: *Who changes back into normal from.* Oh yeah, well I'd like to see YOU try it!
*Pi kicks the chest, which then turns towards her and reveals that it's a trapped chest.*
Haseo: *With his eyes closed.* Ha! Now whatcha gonna do?
*Pi, who had already kicked the chest again to aim the arrows at Haseo, simply watches them fly into him.
Haseo: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!
Pi: Oh, look Haseo! It's a Health Potion!
Haseo: What kind of sadistic ******* put that there?!
*Ovan, who was watching the whole thing, sneaks off while giggling like some kind of schoolgirl...*

Vahn Staffear wrote:From gamefaqs forum

credit from DragonUser84


*When looking for AIDA with Pi, Haseo encounters a chest...*
*Haseo, like he normally does, kicks it...*
Haseo: *Chest doesn't open, and Haseo stands on one leg and holds his foot.* (O_O) ******* OW!!!
Pi: Noob...
*Haseo then pulls out his twin blades and unleashes a full combo on the chest, which does nothing...*
Pi: You're not really good at this, are you?
Haseo: ARGH!!! DAMN CHEST!!! C'mon Skeith... C'mon... SSSSSSKEEEEEEEEEEIIIIITH!!!
*Haseo goes into Avatar form, pulls out his scythe, and rushes towards the chest and slashes at the last second...*
*SLASH!!!*
................ SHATTER!!!
*Haseo, in Avatar form, looks at his now-broken scythe and tosses it behind him.
Pi: You really suck at this, don't you?
*Haseo, now quite enraged, charges up Data Drain and fires it at the chest...*
*Which then ricochets back at Skeith...*
Haseo: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
Pi: You know, I'm embarassed to be in the same AREA as you.
Haseo: *Who changes back into normal from.* Oh yeah, well I'd like to see YOU try it!
*Pi kicks the chest, which then turns towards her and reveals that it's a trapped chest.*
Haseo: *With his eyes closed.* Ha! Now whatcha gonna do?
*Pi, who had already kicked the chest again to aim the arrows at Haseo, simply watches them fly into him.
Haseo: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!
Pi: Oh, look Haseo! It's a Health Potion!
Haseo: What kind of sadistic ******* put that there?!
*Ovan, who was watching the whole thing, sneaks off while giggling like some kind of schoolgirl...*

he has many trapped chest like that in his container...and a monkey and some sandwhiches....