dothackers.net

A World of Twilight
There Is No Way This Is Happening


There are times when people say things that get you thinking, this was one of those times; my best friend said “Just write an autobiography about your life”, and well the War was a main part of it…. So here I am secretly writing my life over again, I’m going to start at the begging or so-called start of the war I remember being about the age 14:

Outside I could hear the echoes of rain against the window, another thunderstorm. Then without so much as a knock my door flew open. Yet I was still asleep.
“Get up!”
Who is that?
“We don’t have time for this, just carry him to the car.”
Is someone there?
“Okay but the kids heavier than he looks.”
Who….is….that?
“Oh! He’s waking up!”
“Mom? Dad? What are you doing?”
“Well son…. We were- Earth was attacked…. By the Valdeen.”
“Wait they actually attacked us?!”
“Yes, we have decided to move to the island your father discovered.”
“Wait but it‘s dangerous there!”
“No son the only things that are dangerous there are the animals and we have them under control right now.”
“Well shouldn‘t we use the Monea Protocol?”
“Yes the Monea Protocol”

Pause! The Monea Protocol means that if there is a chance of interacting with aliens, which there was in this instance, means that you must create an alias in order to keep your identity hidden from the Valdeen. Ok resume!

“So as I remember my choice for it was Kite, I’ll stick with that.”
“Your fathers name is Rozue don’t forget that.”
**********
That day changed my entire future. I was no longer me yet I was also nobody else. And then right during my sorting of thoughts I had boarded a boat to my island Heidan.

**********
What am i doing?

I think its really good so far.

A few questions before I tell my actual opinion:

Who are the Valdeen?

What's so terrible about them?

What kind of powers do they actually have?

Why would you make up an alias on the spot?

Who is this family?

That's just a few of the many I have. Your story has plot holes and I can't understand it. To be blunt: work on pre-planning, because our heads don't work the same as yours.

what you dont get is the fact that this isnt the whole story, and that some characters might not be so important as to bother with, and that this story unfolds as it progress filling in the holes purposely left at the beggining

There are details missing. This is more of 'Prologue' than an actual chapter. A novel that holds chapters (or a novella) is made up of short stories. In order for the audience intended to understand your story, there needs to be an explanation of things. The story is too short to give out details. The best I can tell is that it's some story about alien abduction. There's nothing unique or even sticking in my head.

All I'm filled with are questions I'm not sure if I truly want answered.

I'm guilty of pulling this stunt myself. Any accomplished writer can tell you they've made some shitty stories. However, it's not that I don't understand, it's that I don't understand anything about this place.

If you don't, then how can I? As the author, I have to depend on you to tell me what I want to know. As far as I know:

There's some alien abduction thing.

Somehow there's an act where you have to change your name if you see an alien.

perhaps a Dystopia?

There's a lot of work getting the story straight in your mind before you tell it to the reader. I'll provide a link to prove I was probably as bad as you on my writing if you want.

as i said, there is more to the story and it unfolds to bbe a lot different than what your led to believe, and as of right now the story isnt even at its half chapter point this is so short because im writing and patching as i go, i dont believe i need your help though i thank you anyways