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there i stood outside standing, watching, the raging storm of bodies swirled around me envoloping the outside world.
i couldn't believe this war had broken out, this isn't what i wanted, a half-dragon like me, i was the kill of the day,
my death would end this war, but if you were me would you let death hold you in such a comfortable way, i'm not even fully able to transform
my friends are after me they will kill me indeffinetly
all i can do is wait, suicide,
or run, thats postponing the inevitable. there is no sensible way about it. if i am to live i must play it smart and run.
((that is part of the ending but i thought it was good if anybody likes it i could post the very first chapter if you wanna read the beginning))

No.

Unless you consider this to be good:

Possibely


Thesorrow: XD that I thought was actualy pretty good.

haha thanks glad that books not my idea its my friends but thanks

Book...I doubt it. Interesting story and stepping stone towards a future book, yes. However, the first step in either direction would be to improve the grammar and expand the vocabulary. Not necessarily with extravagant words, but with a greater variety of words. Using the camp was "alight" rather than the camp was "on fire" or vice-versa. Of course word choice can also be changed or limited to the character being portrayed and their situation as well. A farmer would use more common words than a noble for instance or a soldier would be more respectful and careful with their wording when speaking to a commander than otherwise. Perhaps your friend could get their English teacher to look it over and provide suggestions.

For example, rather than this,

KiteXX wrote:there i stood outside standing, watching, the raging storm of bodies swirled around me envoloping the outside world.
i couldn't believe this war had broken out, this isn't what i wanted, a half-dragon like me, i was the kill of the day,
my death would end this war, but if you were me would you let death hold you in such a comfortable way, i'm not even fully able to transform
my friends are after me they will kill me indeffinetly
all i can do is wait, suicide,
or run, thats postponing the inevitable. there is no sensible way about it. if i am to live i must play it smart and run.
((that is part of the ending but i thought it was good if anybody likes it i could post the very first chapter if you wanna read the beginning))

your friend could try something like this. Admittedly I'm not an expert on the English language and I don't know what the story's about, but this is less painful to look at, for me at least.

Here on the outside I stand watching and waiting. Watching as the raging storm of bodies swirl around me enveloping the outside world entirely. Waiting for my own body to join the storm.
I...I couldn't believe this war had broken out. I'm just a half-dragon and yet I'm the kill of the day! This isn't what I wanted.
My death would end this war, but if you were in my position would you accept death's gentle embrace? I'm not even able to fully transform and yet...
and yet my friends have abandoned me. They're after me. They want to kill me. And they won't stop. They'll chase me to the ends of the world and beyond. They'll chase me till I drop.
All I can do is wait, suicide. A quick death, a certain death, a painless death.
Or I could, I could run. That's postponing the inevitable and yet, there's no sensible way around it. To survive I must play it smart and run. I must run to live. I must live to run. I must live so that I can continue running. Then perhaps someday I can stop running and fight. And win. But for now I must run. Run so I can live and live so I can fight.

that actually does sound good thats pretty awesome

Now just imagine what the actual author could do. Since he knows the character, the situation, and where he's going with it. I'll let you ponder for a moment. dot dot dot Pretty sweet right? Just remind him to use literary devices, and that he should accentuate things every now and again for emphasis. There's a whole bunch of other stuff he can do in addition, but I'm a numbers man. English ain't my forte.