Antithesis of a frown?
Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2009 7:04 pm
He wore a fake smile
to hide it all
While weighing his words
seldom was the product a truth heard
Insults to the ears
were bought by his peers
who sought what went refused
and wrought by his lips so unused
Clad in a facade
I nor god
were able to descry
what was held from his eye
His heart beat less and less
I foresaw lifelessness
He would always concur
until we met her
At just her presence
his heart finally budged
He let her peek at our essence
without fear of being judged
He oblidged his heart
and was able to get her
Even though apart
they would always be together
For in a moments glance
she saw through all his endeavors
Slim was his chance
of hiding anything ever
Sore are his heart and I
On days without even a letter
But dare not dwell on the when and why
Someday her lips will make it all better
The day came after quite a while
she ignored his words big and small
because she saw him smile
and that said it all
------------------------------------------------------
This is my first poem.
Critique, please! Feel free to be as brutal as possible! And yeah, I know it reeks of amateurism. I'm not sure if this even constitutes a "poem." Just know that this was almost solely written by my heart....my head was MIA most of the time.
to hide it all
While weighing his words
seldom was the product a truth heard
Insults to the ears
were bought by his peers
who sought what went refused
and wrought by his lips so unused
Clad in a facade
I nor god
were able to descry
what was held from his eye
His heart beat less and less
I foresaw lifelessness
He would always concur
until we met her
At just her presence
his heart finally budged
He let her peek at our essence
without fear of being judged
He oblidged his heart
and was able to get her
Even though apart
they would always be together
For in a moments glance
she saw through all his endeavors
Slim was his chance
of hiding anything ever
Sore are his heart and I
On days without even a letter
But dare not dwell on the when and why
Someday her lips will make it all better
The day came after quite a while
she ignored his words big and small
because she saw him smile
and that said it all
------------------------------------------------------
This is my first poem.
Critique, please! Feel free to be as brutal as possible! And yeah, I know it reeks of amateurism. I'm not sure if this even constitutes a "poem." Just know that this was almost solely written by my heart....my head was MIA most of the time.