.hack//Advent markings

[Jakal Of Twilight]

Oh, ok, more storytime!

[Azure crow]

Oh, ok, more storytime!

I'll get to it.
Be patient.
I feel like I've spoiled the ending on //new world.....

[Rykar]

He threw the item at the ground,and it exploded into a veil of artificial smoke,as the "smoke screen" item usually did,then as the beast looked for his temporarily invisable eing,he went behind it.

Story did improve and you did fix a lot of subject wise like using Crow's name couple of times rather than using he/him all the time. Now I just quoted this sentence because it could have been separated for two sentences. I am not sure what eing means though. O_o

[Azure crow]

He threw the item at the ground,and it exploded into a veil of artificial smoke,as the "smoke screen" item usually did,then as the beast looked for his temporarily invisable being,he went behind it.

Story did improve and you did fix a lot of subject wise like using Crow's name couple of times rather than using he/him all the time. Now I just quoted this sentence because it could have been separated for two sentences. I am not sure what eing means though. O_o

There,that should help.
Thanls for coming back to offer your opinion Rykar,your always welcome here

[Azure crow]

Just for the sake of it,who thinks I should continue this story?

[GamerKale]

I think that you should.

[Azure crow]

I actually wrote the entire next chapter,but I tried to post during the update,and it didn't get through...

I'll redo it eventually.

[Rykar]

Honestly, I was interested in the plot, and I am now disappointed that this was all the way back of the page. I am not trying to necropost here, maybe I am... but once I read the story, I want to see the ending. So I really hope to see you finish this story, Crow.